Evaluation
by Emeliore
Summary: FINISHED. Severus Snape is faced with the dilemma of fulfilling the criteria in the evaluation sheet. But thanks to meddling students and his own terrible reputation, he could only go so far. And...what happened to that damned dog after Snape kicked him?
1. The Staff Memorandum

DISCLAIMER: Still don't own Professor Severus Snape and the rest of faculty and staff of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. In fact, I don't own any of them. Alright? Okay, let me breathe...  
  
Evaluation  
  
0. The Staff Memo  
  
"What in the name of--" Professor Severus Snape murmured, holding in his hands a memorandum sheet signed by the Headmaster Dumbledore.  
  
The parchment read like this:  
  
  
  
To the Faculty of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry,  
Greetings!  
  
In accordance to the nearing end-of-term of this schoolyear, I have decided to implement the evaluation of teachers by the students themselves before the year ends.  
  
This will, hopefully, become a part of the yearly tradition in Hogwarts. and serve as a strong motivation for all of us in fulfilling in our duties, with the dedication and high standards as expected from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  
  
In regards to the carrying out of the actual evaluation, evaluation sheets will be handed to every students to be filled out and returned in the last day of classes. The results will be posted on the very first day of the next school year.  
  
Good luck in dealing with your daily duties, and I sincerely hope that you will receive high ratings from your students.  
  
Yours sincerely,  
  
Albus Dumbledore  
Headmaster  
  
Postscript: Your payroll will be affected by the results of your evaluation.  
  
  
  
  
"I wonder what has gotten into his head?" Severus muttered, half to himself, his hands crumpling the parchment as he read silently.  
  
With a sigh, he carelessly tossed the memo on his desk afterwards, and got off his chait to pace, muttering along to himself as if the whole world would end and he would be the only one to save it.  
  
As if he would truly care if that were to happen.  
  
It was no secret in Hogwarts that Professor Severus Snape was the least liked by the students; in fact, it was practically urban legend. The Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs, and the Ravenclaws loathed him; only his own house Slytherin regarded him with what can barely called 'liking', as it was part of his second nature to deduct points from all houses except Slytherin.  
  
In all of the four houses, only one barely regarded him with respect.  
  
If any insider from Hogwarts were to analyze the present situation, this would mean Severus Snape will be starved to death in the next school year.  
  
...  
  
Poor him.  
  
Minutes had passed and Severus already had covered the whole floor when someone came in, holding a copy of the very same memo.  
  
Remus Lupin. Severus continued pacing, not noticing the passing of his co-teacher.   
  
Remus meanwhile walked to his own desk and sat down, laughing softly as his eyes followed the progress of Severus' pacing. Suddenly bored by the prospect of having to stare at the feared Potions Master pacing in anxiety (though it was a very rare occurence), he finally opened his drawer and took out a bar of Honeydukes chocolate, unwrapping it.  
  
"You can try sweetening them up, Severus." he said suddenly, biting a chunk off the chocolate bar.  
  
Just when Remus thought Severus didn't hear him only did he stop suddenly and glared at him, eyes flashing. "What do you know about teaching?" he spat. "Teaching does not equate with babysitting those sodding brats!"  
  
"Severus, what I'm trying to say is--"   
  
"I will NOT stoop down to your level!" Severus interrupted. "I will continue to teach my students my own way, where they at least put something in their stupid heads and not only mere child's play! Not like you, Lupin. The dunderheads may come out of your classroom all jolly and happy like kingdom come but they never learn a thing!"  
  
Remus sighed in exasperation. "They do, Severus. Give them credit, at least." he said, an edge in his voice. He may be the eternally-cheerful professor, but being with Severus Snape alone in a room will strip away one's gaiety.  
  
In fact, in Remus Lupin's mind Professor Severus Snape was an unhooded dementor, with black robes and all.  
  
"Give those idiots credit?" Severus sneered, recovering his sense of arrogance. "Please, Lupin. Give ME credit." He walked back to his desk and picked up the memo, waving it towards Lupin. "This bloody thing is making me think, though. I'm not stupid not to notice that I'm not well-liked by the students," Snape murmurmed, almost humbled by the whole thing.  
  
Remus tried not to smirk, because of his misgivings, but the hilarity of Snape being humble was, well...  
  
"Ohohoh, now you see the whole situation here," he grinned, not being able to stop himself. "what thinks you, dear Severus? We have payroll to think about here."   
  
Knowing Severus Snape, the answer is quite...unpredictable. He only glared daggers at the smirking co-professor. "I do not know, to be quite frank, Lupin."  
  
As a response, Remus only continued grinning at him.  
  
"Damn you," Severus hissed, swiveling his chair so that his back faced Lupin. He knew what he should do now, very well. Only thing is...  
  
"How can I bloody do it?" He moaned to himself, frustrated, as he buried his face in his hands.   
  
***  
  
Potions class. Professor Snape was droning on about the effects of vervain when mixed with ground moonstone, when he noticed that a faint green smoke was wafting from Neville Longbottom's cauldron. He groaned inwardly.  
  
"What happened NOW, Longbottom?" Snape spat, frustrated at this particular student's continuous failures in his class. He strode towards quivering Neville's table and slapped his hand on an unstained surface on the table, making the poor boy recoil. He noticed the queer violet hue of the overflowing mess. "I didn't tell anybody yet to put in the hawk feathers!"   
  
"I-I-I..." Neville stammered. To his defense, Hermione Granger snapped, "Well you didn't tell us when, Professor Snape. You just said to mix them in the proper order. How could we know what the proper order is, when you haven't told us yet?"  
  
Snape's face went red with restrained anger. Count one to ten, he told himself. Do not shout, Severus. Do not. Taking a deep breath, he stared Hermione down and said in his usual silky voice "Twenty points from Gryffindor for the cheek. And badly thought of, that. When I said in proper order, I meant while I dictate, Miss Granger," he seethed. "I do not trust any of you idiots enough to let you go off mixing potions without my guidance." So saying, he turned his back and returned to the blackboard, returing to his lecture.  
  
The Gryffindor tables became full of students who were scowling at him. The Slytherin tables were just dandy, Snape thought with disdain. Smiling, gullible gits...Snape wondered when he could end putting up with them.  
  
As he went back to the lesson, his two minds were occupied with different thoughts. One half was preoccupied with lecturing, while the other was lamenting the big loss in his next year's payroll.  
  
***  
  
"Still not likeable, eh. Severus?" Remus panted, catching up with him in the corridors. "Your face--"  
  
"I don't bloody care what you want to say, Remus Lupin," Snape growled. "The whole world may bloody well end, but I'm not going to turn into a goddamn dandy--"  
  
It was now Remus' turn to interrupt. "Either you try to improve or not, Severus, it is all but one to me," he said as they turned a corner. "By the way, I didn't call your attention just for that." He held out a roll of parchment for Severus. "Here. Dumbledore sent another memo, and this is your copy."  
  
Stopping abruptly that Remus collided into him, Snape shrugged off the casualty (who suffered an almost-broken nose) and quickly unrolled the parchment and read.  
  
It went like this:  
  
  
  
  
In order to inform you of the coming evaluation, these are the qualities that the students will be asked to rate you in accordance of your performance in each of the evaluation sheets:  
  
1) The professor teaches lessons relevant to the subject.  
2) The professor is punctual, starts and dismisses the class on time.  
3) The professor instills the school's values in his/her lessons  
4) The professor utilizes varying methods in his teaching (visual aids,   
field trips, etc.)  
5) The professor shows impartiality and fairness among all his/her students.  
6) The professor makes himself available in consultation hours.  
7) The professor provides an atmosphere inducive to learning.  
  
  
  
  
Severus looked up to comment to Remus, but he was already gone. One glance at the parchment told him that his payroll was going take a very, very large bleed.  
  
Severus stared stupidly into the parchment for a good, long minute.   
  
"Not if I can help it," Snape muttered.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
----  
  
Of course there will be other chapters! How would our dear Potions Master deal with the 'qualities' that the coming evaluation sheet pose against him? Each will be dealt with a whole chapter each. 


	2. The Professor Imparts School Values In H...

DISCLAIMER: All the characters of Harry Potter are not mine (though I covet Severus Snape), they're J.K. Rowling's.  
  
  
  
Evaluation ch.2  
  
1) The professor teaches lessons relevant to the subject  
  
2) The professor is punctual, starts and dismisses the class on time.  
  
These items Professor Severus Snape ticked off the small parchment into which he  
  
copied down the qualities where his performance would be based on.  
  
Snape did not even once deviate from the day's lessons. Well, except for the times when he got carried away by a certain student's dismal performance and ranted on about the sheer idiocy of that certain student, but always he knew when to quit, at least in his own timing. Which is when he can see tears welling up in some hapless student's eyes.  
  
As for punctuality, he was never late, in fact, it was as if he never left the dungeon. Students would arrive in the classroom with him already finished writing the ingredients for the potion they will work on for the day, and sitting behind the front desk acting for all the world as if the early-arrving students were already late.  
  
So, Snape deemed that he had already dealt with the frist two items, the only problem was to polish his performance in all the other five.  
  
After taking a look at the list for another second, he folded it and stuffed the list into his pocket. Donning his uniform black robes and running a hand through his low-maintenance hair, the Potions Master strode out of his quarters, and into what he deemed as a very droll day.  
  
Along the way, though, he stuffed into his pockets a packet of something he would be rather be dead than be caught with. But in these circumstances...  
  
"Oh, what joy," Snape hissed as he slammed the door behind him.  
  
  
  
******  
  
  
  
3) The professor instills the school's values in his/her lessons  
  
Professor Severus Snape stalked into the dungeon, robes billowing behind him. Passing Neville's table, he glanced down at the still-cowering student, who had apparently haven't recovered yet from yesterday's reprimand.  
  
Lips thinned as if he was considering something, he briefly stopped by the student's side."I trust that you will not...mess wtih today's class, Longbottom," he quite hesitantly said to the Gryffindor. "One tip I can give you is to refrain from doing anything until I say so. Do you understand?"  
  
Neville only gaped at him. Behind him, the famous Gryffindor three (the only ones besides Neville who were able to hear him) looked up at him likewise, their jaws dropping slightly.  
  
Silently taken aback by the reaction of the Gryffindors towards his BIG effort, Snape only turned away and proceeded to the day's lesson. It was a hard thing to do, trying to explain something to a student whom he deemed was unteachable.  
  
If one of the students were keen on observation, he should see that the Potions Master was surely wringing his hands as he spoke to Neville, probably in trying to restrain himself from putting them on the student's neck.  
  
Do I really have to do these things? Snape thought darkly, as he laid out his folders on the front desk. This. Is. Unthinkable.  
  
He surveyed the classroom (hiding it behind his usual demeaning glare), and noticed that the Gryffindors outnumbered the Slytherins for about 17 to 12.  
  
Yes, I think so, he realized with a hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach.  
  
Long moments had already passed and they were already in the middle of mixing a Stunning Potion. Snape was about to speak of the color difference between the potion when mixed with powdered fern and the one with dried fermillua when he heard an explosion coming from Neville's direction.  
  
Turning his back on the students and giving himself time to rant silently, he clenched his fists in an attempt to stop himself from doing his usual, which is snapping the head off Longbottom. He did what he could for the moment. He started counting one to twenty.  
  
He was about to say 'seventeen' when a student faintly said, "Professor Snape...I think the mixture is..."  
  
Turning to face the students, Snape could only stare as he witnessed what had happened to Neville's potion. It was starting to solidify and taking shape of a...  
  
"Bog creature," he murmured, drawing out his wand. As the students began to notice that Neville's potion was starting to become a monster, they all screamed and scampered for cover. One even dared to hide behind him, and a Gryffindor at that.  
  
The moss-green potion/creature in question gradually but steadily grew arms and legs, and was already prowling and swiping about with its appendages dripping with muck of acidic nature. It had already developed eyes, flashing a sickly yellow-green. It lunged at the nearest student, but the girl Lavender Brown was quickly pulled out of the way by Dean Thomas. Even the stuck-up Slytherins forgot all about their air and were screaming and scampering about.  
  
"Oh, my--"  
  
"AARRGH!"  
  
"NEVILLE, YOU BLOODY @*&!%&!!!"  
  
"Draco! Save meee~ee!"  
  
Cursing, Snape drew out his wand, and was about to put a petrifying spell on the bog creature when a panicking student bumped his wand arm in search for escape, sending his wand flying several meters out of his reach.  
  
"What the--?" Snape exclaimed, and then bellowed to a nearby student, "Quick, you nitwit! FETCH ME MY WAND!" But he was out of luck, all of the students were such in a state of panic that they paid no heed to his words. And worse, the dungeons were located far underneath Hogwarts that it was near impossible for anyone else to hear the complete pandemonuim taking place.  
  
He started to grab a student's wand instead to use but it was too late; helplessly he watched as the creature picked up Millicent Bulstrode with his acid-dripping arms, and was starting to sear through the Slytherin girl's robes and eventually melt her skin...  
  
"Expelliarmus!"  
  
Millicent was quickly thrown off against the wall, her robes still smoking with the acid She was unconscious. The creature crumpled as well, howling with pain as he found his arms severed from his body.  
  
Snape looked at the direction from where the spell came from. Harry Potter was panting, wand still pointed towards the prone figure of the bog creature.  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, Remus Lupin was commencing his lessons when he heard a loud crash from below Hogwarts, probably from Severus Snape's dungeon classrooms. He paused for a while, trying to listen for any other explosions.  
  
"Professor Lupin, I think something's happening down in the dungeons," a seventh-year named Zinfandel said, eyebrows furrowing.  
  
Professor Lupin only smiled at her. "Do not let yourself worry about that, Zinfandel. As we all know, that is just a normal, daily occurence in Professor Snape's class. Something exploding--"  
  
"I won't be surprised if it's his head that's exploding," one of the students commented cheekily. The rest of the class laughed.  
  
Smiling himself, Professor Remus Lupin shrugged it off and with a grin introduced a third-level boggart to his class, one which instantaneously turned into Professor Severus Snape in a two-piece bikini as it went out the trunk.  
  
***  
  
Back in Snape's dungeons, with the mess dealt with and cleaned out, the class returned to their seats except for Millicent Bulstrode who was sent to the hospital wing for minor burns.  
  
Arms crossed and his jaws set, Professor Snape listened in seething silence as the offending student tried to explain himself off.  
  
"--and it exploded." Neville finished, lower lip trembling. He sat down and was given a pat on the back by Seamus Finnegan.  
  
A tension-filled silence permeated the air. Snape seemed to be contemplating something.  
  
"This, as we all know," Snape finally snapped, "just proves the statement that the Gryffindors proved nothing but trouble," he said, looking pointedly at Harry Potter as he said the last word.  
  
"But--but--" Ron protested, but Snape waved him off.  
  
"Let me finish what I have to say, Weasley, or I'll deduct twenty points from Gryffindor." Snape said harshly. "As far as I know, the Gryffindors represent those who are woefully and blindly stupid as to get themselves into every danger that can be thought of."  
  
And then he turned towards the Slytherins. "Not unlike the Slytherins. They possess tenacity, cunning and determination." This remark was greeted with a loud whoop from the Slytherin table.  
  
"Not to mention breaking rules--" Hermione Granger muttered under her breath.  
  
Snape gritted his teeth. "And for what had transpired today...fifty points for Gryffindor."  
  
Ron exhaled loudly. "Well, at least that wasn't too much, considering--" then he noticed that Harry gaped at Snape. "What?"  
  
"He...gave us points..."  
  
Professor Snape ignored the funny looks given to him by the whole class. "Unfortunately, it is also said the the Gryffindors embody courage, bravery..." he said grudgingly. "I hope that you keep that in mind."  
  
Ron glanced at Hermione. "Whoa. Did I hear what I just heard?" He exclaimed in awe, looking incredulously at Snape. "What was that all about?" He looked as if Snape gave a student a Honeydukes chocolate bar. In other words, as if the world had suddenly given up turning and was about to end.  
  
Hermione only shook her tight red curls, looking as bewildered as was. Harry did, too.  
  
Neville only cried with relief.  
  
"Okay, class over. Sod off." Snape turned his back on the students and gathered his things. The students never needed another word from him, they all went out quickly. Neville started to leave as well, when Snape held him back.  
  
Trembling, Neville went towards Snape's desk. Expecting another tongue- lashing, and a private one at that, what he received was more than a heavy blow to his stomach.  
  
Snape was handing him a Honeydukes bar. "Here, stop your bloody crying, eat it and make yourself feel good." he said through his teeth.  
  
"Ah." Neville only stared at his Potions professor open-mouthedly.  
  
Seeing that there's no hope in getting a valid response from his slowest student, Snape grabbed one of his hands and stuffed the large bar inside. "Now. Get out."  
  
Neville only stared at the chocolate bar.  
  
"Get. Out."  
  
Snapping out of it and murmuring a bewildered thanks, Neville dashed out of the classroom.  
  
Making sure that all of the students had disappeared, Snape sat down on his chair and took out the parchment where he listed the evaluation criteria. He ticked off the third entry.  
  
3) The professor instills the school's values in his/her lessons  
  
Folding the paper and tucking it back into his pocket, Snape buried his head on his face in his hands, and sighed audibly in exhaustion.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
------  
  
R/R please, all feedback and suggestions welcome! Next chapter will be up soon... 


	3. The Professor Utilizes Varying Methods I...

DISCLAIMER: The Hogwarts faculty, the Gryffindors and the Slytherins are not owned by me, but the great storyweaver J. K. Rowling!  
  
I sure hope she will give me Snape as a birthday gift for my coming birthday, though...  
  
  
  
EVALUATION ch.3  
  
  
  
  
1) The professor teaches lessons relevant to the subject.  
2) The professor is punctual, starts and dismisses the class on time.  
3) The professor instills the school's values in his/her lessons  
  
These have already been, thankfully, dealt with, Professor Severus Snape murmured to himself as he sipped his morning coffee in the staff room. Seeing that the first three entries had already been crossed out made him quite...relieved. But the thing is, there are four more.   
  
As for the next...  
  
4) The professor utilizes varying methods in his teaching (visual aids, field trips, etc.)   
  
Oh, hell. Brows furrowing, he thought about how to go around it.  
  
Snape sat back at stared at the ceiling; actually he had been doing that ever since last night, because he had no idea what else to use in teaching: Potion-making required little variety in it's instruction. However, because of sheer necessity at the moment, he had to think of something.  
  
If he won't think of something, he may be bloody well rest assured that he won't be casually sipping coffee like he did now.   
  
Snape groaned inwardly. He was losing his touch--definitely. He didn't care what the students think about him; it was only because that this maybe the only job that he could have. He knew that it was a miracle that Dumbledore placed him as a teacher in Hogwarts, not to mention vouching for his innocence in the first place...  
  
He was drifting into his thoughts while sipping his coffee when the staffroom door opened.  
  
"Hullo, everyone," a cheery Remus Lupin greeted. Snape almost spat out his coffee. Why does he always manage to get into my nerves? Snape thought irritably, then slammed down his mug onto his table, coffee splattering all over his desk and onto his black robes.   
  
"Do you not even consider that there are people who want their work done quietly, Lupin?" Snape growled.   
  
"Professor Snape, I don't see what Professor Lupin has done wrong," Professor Minerva McGonagall sniffed. Her table was situated in the far corner of the staffroom, by the window. She had been re-reading her student's essays when Lupin entered.  
  
She gave a warm smile to Lupin. "Good morning, Remus."  
  
Immensely glad to have someone other than the gloomy and grumpy (not to mention almost downright evil) Severus Snape to talk to, Remus Lupin walked over to McGonagall's desk. "Minerva, have you heard?" he said, dropping off his things on his own desk along the way. "Something unusual happened yesterday."  
  
Snape tightened his grip on his mug's handle.  
  
"Neville told me something very, very interesting," Remus grinned in Snape's direction. "You wouldn't believe, Minerva." He pulled a chair near McGonagall's table and sat on it, smiling with pure mirth.  
  
Minerva pursed her lips. "Remus...you know that I do not include myself with such things. I do not need to know." But her eyes said a different thing.  
  
Remus chuckled. "Minerva, this is not gossip. I'm talking of a miracle," he said, still glancing at Snape.  
  
Minerva finally whispered, eyes twinkling, "What about him?"  
  
"Gave Longbottom a big, fine chunk of Honeydukes bar, he did," Remus said, loud enough so that Snape could hear.   
  
"ENOUGH!" Snape stood up and glared at Lupin. "What I do is my business, and I will not have you prattle off about it!" This is embarassing enough already, and Lupin still spouts off about it like a whistling teakettle, Snape thought darkly. Grabbing a nearby clean rug, he started wiping off the spilled and splattered coffee on his desk jerkily and impulsively.  
  
Minerva only stifled a smile. "Oh my, Lupin, this may mean that our Potions Master still has hope!"   
  
"Ah, sometime or another he has to give in and confess that he really did like his students," Remus commented.  
  
Snape could only throw him a venomous look and returned to wiping off the mess on his desk.  
  
"Hmm...yes, I think so too, Remus," Minerva cleared her throat. "However, I think that it is time for my first class...if you may excuse me..." Cradling her things in her arm, Minerva stood up and left her desk. Passing Snape, she said to him, "and good luck with your students, Severus. What you did was indeed an improvement in itself," she smiled as she closed the door behind her.  
  
It was Snape and Remus alone in the staffroom, again.  
  
"Damn it to hell, damn it," Snape muttered with each swipe of his arm as he cleaned his desk. "If what's happening isn't going to make me look like a bloody idiot, then I don't know what will,"  
  
Remus shrugged. "You have to improve your people skills sometime or another, Severus. I'm even surprised that it came this late."  
  
"I don't care if I can't deal well with people or not!" Snape snapped.   
  
"Okay, okay," Remus conceded. "By the way, you're really planning in carrying out your quickie improvement, hm?"   
  
"Well, I'm already in it, am I not?" Snape hissed. "Only thing is I don't know how the hell I can continue with this!" He took the list of evaluation criterias in his pocket and threw it towards Remus, who caught it.  
  
"Hm...yes, I really do think you have dealt with the first three...not that you even needed any improvement for the first two," Remus murmured while taking a brief look. "Next in line is, hm, 'The professor utilizes varying methods in his teaching'." he finally folded the parchment and handed it back to Snape. "You having problems with that?"  
  
The Potion Master's silence gave Remus his answer.  
  
"Well, then," Remus frowned in thought. "Hmm...Since you deal with hands-on instruction in your subject, it is already a sort of visual aid, so...holding a field trip might be the plausible choice."  
  
Snape uncharacteristically snorted. "And chaperone the little twits? They will kill me first with the trouble they go into. No, not that."  
  
  
***  
  
But the evening found Snape in the Forbidden Forest, tracing a relevantly safe path for the students who will travel there tomorrow.  
  
He was carving a faintly discernable slash mark on a tree with a folding knife when Hagrid bumped into him. Snape pretended not to notice him.  
  
"'Lo, Professor Snape," Hagrid greeted, not noticing Snape's unwelcome air. "What brings yeh here?"  
  
"Marking off a path, Hagrid, so that the students will avoid going into their deaths," Snape drawled and went to another tree to start marking it. "For a field trip," he added.  
  
Hagrid grunted. "But, wouldn't it be, eh, dangerous? Ter me, it would be better if yeh just keep them students where they belong."  
  
"Let's just say an accident will happen, Hagrid, so that I will be rid of them." Snape said as he scraped off tree bark. "Lesser students, lesser headaches."  
  
"Not ter mention losing yer job," Hagrid grumbled.  
  
Snape stopped for a moment, then resumed scraping. "Leave me be, Hagrid. I will finish my task sooner if I am left alone."  
  
With a huff Hagrid turned and left for Hogwarts castle.  
  
Seeing that he was finally alone, Snape folded his knife and tucked it into his pocket. Finding a comfortable place to sit on a tree root, he sat down and propped himslef against a tree trunk, closing his eyes for a moment.  
  
It was hard acting like this. Severus Snape had been born into a lonely life, and still breathed in it. He found it easier to make the students' lives living hell, because it brought him an odd comfort that it was the only thing he could do that was closest to revenge. And more.  
  
He also wanted to find out if they will react any differently than he did when faced with threat. When he was still a student, all he did was keeping his emotions bottled up deep inside, and studied Dark Arts in hopes of being able to use it on them when the time comes.  
  
It was then he joined the Death Eaters. Yes, it was enjoyable looking at his victims crumple under the influence of the Cruciatus curse, and the feeling of power that a successful Avada Kedavra curse gave.   
  
It was sheer retribution at its finest.  
  
But eventually all he did went into his head when he saw a young Muggle child being played around and left mangled by Macnair.  
  
He saw himself. Snape winced at the memory.   
  
But I was young and stupid then, he thought. Not anymore.  
  
He hated himself after that. Felt like muck, really, and all he could do to shut off his self-loathing was making other people's lives hell. He wanted to assure himself that he was not the only person in the world who felt like shit by making them feel shit.  
  
  
****  
  
"Class, you will not be needing those cauldrons and ingredients today," Snape murmured rather off-handedly.   
  
"What? First he gives Neville a chocolate bar, and now he's cancelling a class?" Ron Weasley whispered to Harry Potter and shuddered. "I reckon the world will end."  
  
"Hush, Ron," Harry whispered back. "I'm having a rather bad feeling about this."  
  
"We will going on...on...a field exposure," Snape said, satisfied for not having to say 'field trip', it sounded rather too happy. "All of you have to discern where and how to pick the ingredients essential for potion-making, for not always will you be able to find them ready made in stores. We will be going into the Forbidden Forest."  
  
Excited murmurs rose from the students.  
  
I can't believe I'm doing this thing. I must be damned.  
  
What passed Severus Snape's mind was that he was already damned from the day he was born.  
  
"Oh, I can't believe he only said it just now!" Hermione Granger whimpered. "And I brought all these books!"  
  
"I wonder what went into his head yesterday?" Seamus Finnegan asked Harry from behind. "He is acting rather weird."  
  
"D'you reckon?" Harry asked back, but more to Hermione and Ron, who heard the question.   
  
"You can leave your things here, they will not be touched."  
  
Snape looked at the students, who were still staring at him as if he had gone mad. "Well, what are you waiting for? Get off your chairs and go outside! Follow me," Snape said irritably as he headed for the door and went outside.  
  
Slowly the students followed suit.  
  
"This is weird," Harry muttered to himself. "Something's up, I know it."  
  
***  
  
Professor Snape led his Slytherin and Gryffindor students deep into the Forbidden Forest, carefully following the path he has marked for them.   
  
Fortunately for Snape, all of them behaved. Except for some Slytherins, but they were quite tolerable. MAybe because they think I'm planning something, Snape thought blithely. It will be better that way, at least they behave.  
  
Nearing the clearing where clumps of vervain, gloomspell and minea can be found, he paused for a bit and faced the students.   
  
"This is where some of the most potent ingredients can be found. Vervain, as you all know, can prevent mind control induced by vampires. It also relatively weakens the effects of the Imperius curse is taken periodically." Snape explained, surprised that he was able to carry out the trip rather seamlessly. "Do not, I repeat, DO NOT pull any of the plants or its parts unless I tell you to. Some of them may do harm in mere touch alone. Is it understood?"  
  
The students nodded in assent.  
  
"Very well then. Follow me AND do not touch anything unnecessary." Snape walked on towards the clearing, with the students behind him.  
  
Some peaceful moments had passed after they reached the small meadow in the middle of Forbidden Forest. Snape had ben able to commence the lesson with minor injuries; Malfoy, Crabbe and Pansy Parkinson's skins broke out with large red spots when they tried to chase a young unicorn and tripped in the process.   
  
Snape was ready enough to bring first-aid antidotes, fortunately, and was able to give the errant three remedy.  
  
He was showing the class how to peel a gloomspell fruit properly when he heard a faint explosion from behind the nearby bushes.  
  
"Oh, no! SKREWTS!"   
  
Sure enough, two six-feet tall blast-ended skrewts scuttled out of their hiding place and lunged at them. Snape cursed vehemently, but his voic was drowned out by Harry's,  
  
"I KNEW YOU WERE UP TO SOMETHING! YOU'RE TRYING TO KILL US!" he bellowed. After those words went out of his mouth, Harry realized that what he said was a bit absurd, for Snape, as evil as he was, is still not the type to do anything of the sort. But still...there they were.  
  
Snape's face went red with pure fury. "HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME OF THAT?" he shouted back, in a rage. "If you've got brains, lead your classmates out of the forest!"  
  
As the students ran out of the clearing in pure panic, Snape drew out his wand and dealt with the creature who was trying to impale him with it's sting...  
  
  
***  
  
Snape stalked in the corridors of Hogwarts castle, boiling over with anger. He was so careful, so very careful...why did it go wrong?  
  
Damn, damn it all. Damn...damn... He wringed his hands in frustration. His carefully-worked plan was being torn to shreds...  
  
There goes my job, he thought in fury mixed with anguish.  
  
***  
  
Later in the day though, Dumbledore accepted his explanations and let him off scot-free.   
  
He walked down to the kitchens to get some tea for himself when he heard two students conversing:  
  
"Hey, mine's better than your vampire-boggart," one said rather arrogantly.  
  
"Oh yeah? What did your boggart turn into?"  
  
"Snape in a bikini!"  
  
"WHAT?" A girl giggled impishly. "I should have seen that! When did that happen?"  
  
"Just yesterday."  
  
Snape had heard enough. "Lupin. Remus Bloody Lupin," he snarled.  
  
When he got into his office to prepare wolfsbane for Lupin to take the next day (it will be a full moon in the morrow), a good idea struck in his head.  
  
Two birds in one stone, he thought in perverse mirth.   
  
***  
  
Next day, early evening. Snape's sixth-year class were waiting outside Professor Lupin's door in silence. Snape had told them to wait for him outside near Professor Lupin's office, to make up for the ruined exposure the day before, and that Professor Lupin had 'agreed' to help him out.  
  
"I hope he better not try anything here," Harry muttered. "Yesterday was a really close shave.   
  
Harry knew how dangerous a blast-ended skrewt can get, especially when full-grown. He had faced one in the Tri-wizard toirnament, and it had almost nearly killed him.  
  
"Don't worry, Harry," Hermione assured him. "Lupin will be there, of course. I don't know what they will do, though."  
  
"Hey, here comes Snape," Lavender said.  
  
Snape strode towards the students, a steaming goblet in hand. "Good evening students," Snape drawled with a slight grin on his face. He seemed to be in a good mood. Which was rare.  
  
"Professor Lupin knows you're here?" he asked off-handedly as he headed to the door of Lupin's office. He took out his wand his his free hand as he walked.  
  
"No sir, no one answered the door when we knocked," Hermione answered.  
  
"Good." Turning his back to the door, he addressed the students a few last-minute instructions. "Now, I will demonstrate the effects of this potion. Since we're about to deal with a live, dangerous specimen," Snape blew off the steam which wafted to his nose, "you will have to push yourselves flat against the nearest wall. Do you understand?"  
  
"Yes, Professor Snape."  
  
"Good."  
  
Turning to face the door, he tapped his wand on the doorknob. "Alohomora."  
  
He walked inside, and found a slightly agitated Lupin sitting by the windowsill.   
  
"Severus!" Lupin exclaimed. "Thank goodness, you got the wolfsbane potion! The moon's almost up and--"  
  
He noticed the students. He faced Snape with a puzzled frown and asked, "Why are they here?"  
  
"Funny you should ask that, you bastard." Snape put down the goblet and yelled to the waiting students, "Come in here. Now!"  
  
The students filed in, pushing against the wall, leaving an ample space in the middle of the room. Snape was satisfied with the size of the space the students allowed the both of them.  
  
Remus could only look on with horror. He wished his guess of what Snape planned on doing was wrong, very wrong.  
  
"You will not leave this room until I tell you so," Snape told the students. "You," he snapped to Blaise Zabini who was nearest to the door, "close the door! I will not have anyone leave or enter this room."  
  
"Severus...what the bloody hell do you think you're doing?!" Lupin exclaimed in panic. "I'm going to change any minute now!"  
  
Snape ignored him but with a wave of his wand pushed the curtains open. Then, dragging Lupin with him to the exact middle of Lupin's office, he lifted his wand arm, the wand pointed to the ceiling.  
  
In a clear voice he said, "Barrier."  
  
Not unlike the Priori Incantatem wand effect, a beam shot high above Snape's head and splintered into a thousand more beams, interconnecting into a circular roof that barred the two professors from the students, but still transparent so that the students outside could see the professors.  
  
The full moon was going to rise any minute now.  
  
Snape lifted the still-steaming goblet. "This, my dear students, is a wolfsbane potion," he said with a evil glee. "And I am going to demonstrate the difference between a werewolf without the influence of wolfbane and with wolfsbane." So saying, he put down the goblet to a farther place away from them.  
  
Lupin whimpered. He was going to be exposed...  
  
But then, all of Hogwarts knew that he was a werewolf anyway.  
  
Snape suddenly grabbed Lupin around the waist and faced the pale professor towards the window. "Turn into a werewolf for the students, Lupin." he whispered sweetly to quivering Lupin's ear. "This is for their own welfare."  
  
"Bastard," Lupin shot back, but weakly. "Bloody bastard."  
  
And then the full moon's rays flowed into the widnow and hit Lupin.  
  
He was beginning to change. Without the influence of wolfsbane, Lupin began to lose control of his mind, and he started thraahing about, screaming, but Snape held back his arms, restraining him.  
  
It seemed that he had drunk some sort of a strengthening potion before coming to Lupin's office. He was able to restrain a werewolf, and a full-grown one at that.  
  
"How do you think that feels, Lupin?" Snape whispered, grinning. He looked for all the world like he was conversing with a lover. "Now you know how being--exposed feels like?"  
  
Wolf-Lupin only growled, but could do nothing in Snape's fast hold.  
  
"This is for what you did the other day...the boggart, do you remember? What did the student clothe me with, hm?"  
  
Then to the students, Snape said, "this is a werewolf withouyt the influence of the wolfsbane," he grunted as he wrestled with the werewolf. "Dangerous, a threat to life, a threat to society..."  
  
Pushing away Lupin and grabbing his wand, he put a stunning spell on the werewolf as he grabbed the wolfsbane potion, and force-fed it onto the prone wolf's open muzzle. When he let go of the wolf, he dispelled the stunning spell and Wolf-Lupin just stood there, growling.  
  
"And that," Snape panted slightly, "is a calm werewolf with wolfsbane. It will retain his human mind and I really wonder what he thinks right now, now that he has so kindly shown to us how a werewolf changes?"  
  
The Slytherins laughed snidely, but the Gryffindors only grumbled. They had so loved Lupin, after all.  
  
"I hope that this makes up for the botched exposure trip yesterday," Snape said. "Now, you may all--AAARGH!"  
  
Wolf-Lupin gave his ass a big bite.  
  
Snape howled with pain. "Damn you Lupin!"  
  
***  
  
Walking to his desk in the staffroom, giving his sore butt-cheek a pat before sitting down, Snape took out his list of evaluation criteria and crossed out   
  
  
4) The professor utilizes varying methods in his teaching (visual aids, field trips, etc.)  
  
  
Snape grumbled to himself. The first attempt in clearing his relations with the students in class was very straining; was happened last night though, made up for it.  
  
Except for the bite Lupin gave him. Fortunately, he was able to treat it immediately so that he wouldn't be turned into a werewolf.  
  
Wincing as he moved to stuff the small parchment into his pocket, Snape wondered how could Lupin have resorted to such petty tactics to get back at him: biting his ass in front of his class.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
----  
  
A/N Damn, I really think whether I should still classify this under 'humor'...hmm...oh well. R/R please! Thanks to the people who kindly reviewed my efforts! Till next chapter! 


	4. The Professor Shows Impartiality And Fai...

DISCLAIMER: Apart from Zinfandel and Tzigane, J. K. Rowling owns everyone residing, studying, teaching, cleaning and haunting in Hogwarts. Ohohohoh...  
  
  
EVALUATION ch.4  
  
  
  
  
Professor Severus Snape was just going down towards the dungeons when he felt a pang of pain from the place where Professor Remus Lupin had bit him as a werewolf. Trying not to wince but failing miserably, Snape allowed himself to hobble down the staircase leading to his classroom (as there was no one around to notice his pained state).  
  
Reaching the last step, he searched first for a sopt where he would be hidden from view and, as he spotted the place between two facing cabinets, he took out from the folds of his robe a jar of something a Slytherin student named Zinfandel had prepared for him as a 'volunteered' detention ('So that I wouldn't have to serve a detention the time you give me one,' she said). Hiding himself in the space between the two immensely large cabinets he smeared a dollop of white, sweet-smelling cream and so discreetly opened his trousers under his robes with his other hand, and applied it liberally on the sore butt-cheek.   
  
Finished and with clothes impeccably in order, Snape marched off into his classroom, despondent over the way the pain-relieving cream made his bottom feel wet and greasy against the fabric of his trousers everytime he moved.  
  
Not feeling good enough to give his seventh-year Double Advanced Potions class a greeting, Snape wordlessly stomped to his front desk and unceremoniously dropped his folders on the it, grabbed a chalk and quietly scribbled the ingredients for the day's Potion.  
  
The students, being quite thoughtful, stayed quiet as well, anxious over their Potion Master's behavior over the past two days. They had heard rumors that Professor Snape had: a) given the Gryffindors fifty points; b) given Neville Longbottom a bar of Honeydukes chocolate and c) attempted to give his other class a field exposure that unfortunately went wrong. He made up for it though, with the bit about Professor Lupin.  
  
They thought that either a) the world was going to end or b) Professor Severus Snape was going to die.  
  
Zinfandel, the Slytherin prefect who prepared a an ointment for him in the guise of an 'advanced' detention, was biting her lip hard as she watched her beloved professor behave like someone who is having a death premonition. She tugged at her Gryffindor partner's sleeve.  
  
"Tzigane, what do you think is happening to Master Snape*?" she asked, deeply worried. She had at first laughed when she heard about what Lupin did to Snape, but sobered up when she found him groaning in pain (it still got infected even with his potions) in the staffroom, when she was about to hand in her essays. Zinfandel cared for Snape so much that she volunteered mixing the ointment for him at his instruction, Snape being in no condition to stand /nor/ to sit down.  
  
The Gryffindor, Tzigane, just shrugged. "I dunno. Middle-age crisis, perhaps?" she said in her unruffled way. But Zinfandel knew that she too, was bothered about Snape's weird actions. Tzigane had taken a liking for her /Master/ Snape herself.  
  
So there he was, silently writing the potion recipe on the board, with the uncharacteristic slight shuffle only noticeable to those who were greatly used to Snape's swooping-bat effect. Since he is now dealing with students who had been putting up with his presence for about seven years, /everyone/ noticed his small 'limp'.  
  
Suddenly, a derisive laugh broke out from the students.   
  
"Hey, Professor Snape! Heard you got bitten by Professor Lupin...aren't you going to tell us that you're a werewolf? We gotta know. It's our /right/ to know!"   
  
Snape's writing chalk broke and his hand stopped scribbling. He didn't move.  
  
All the student's attention shifted to Fred Weasley, the other half of the twin jokers and also a bonafide anti-Snape.  
  
"Well?"  
  
His twin, George Weasley, nudged his ribs so hard that Fred keened, but he was not to be daunted. What Snape did to humiliate Lupin was the last straw for him.  
  
"Fred!" George hissed, taking a panicked look towards Snape, who was still facing the board, unmoving. "Quit it! You'll get us in another bloody trouble, you twit!"  
  
"So?" Fred retorted. He was not going to let Snape off the hook so lightly. In fact, he was not going to let Snape cut off his tirade with some /puny/ point-deduction or even a week's worth of detention. "We're already up in deep shit the day we had him for a professor! And now he had to humiliate Professor Lupin!"  
  
"That's enough!" Zinfandel cried out, standing up so suddenly that her chair toppled down. "I won't let you say that about Professor Snape!" a long-restrained tear was trickling down her cheek. "At least we /learn/ many things in his class!"  
  
"Yeah right," Fred sneered at the Slytherin. "Oh, we learn things in /Master/ Snape's class," he taunted, mocking Zinfandel's tone of voice. "Well, what do you expect his GROUPIE to say?"  
  
It was Tzigane's turn to speak up. "Watch it, Weasley," she warned, voice grave. "I know I'm a Gryffindor, but goodness knows I'm on her side. And don't you damn call her groupie! We call him that way because that's our friggin' punishment!" she shouted, face red.  
  
"Heh, and why do you suppose he made the two of you call him that?" Fred taunted. "Because he's flattered that he's got two fangirls! Ha!"  
  
"Why you--" Zinfandel grabbed for her wand, her mind fogged with fury. "Emeritica Finale*!" she cried.  
  
Fred suddenly was thrown off and stuck to the far wall ("ARRRGH!!!"); a diagram of glowing lines slowly formed on the wall, encircling Fred's prone figure...Zinfandel was performing her strongest dueling move.  
  
The class could only watch in mixed horror and silence; they knew Zinfandel Highwind was Snape's very own dueling apprentice.  
  
"ENOUGH!" Snape barked; snapping out of his petrified state and finally facing the students. "Miss Highwind, dismantle the Emeritica diagram NOW!" he swooped down from the front platform and bore down his dueling representative.  
  
Grudgingly Zinfandel waved her wand. "Emeritica, Finite Incantatem!"   
  
Fred fell and slumped on the floor, too weak even to moan. Immediately his stunned fellow Gryffindors stood and walked over to help the Weasley twin.  
  
"Get him to the hospital wing!" Snape snapped. "Go on, get his arse out here!" He was beyond angry, and he wanted to get the Weasly out of his sight.  
  
Then he saw that Fred Weasley had a twin. "You!" Snape roared at the pale-faced Weasley. "Go with your brother and don't you and your damned twin ever think of going down here AGAIN!"  
  
"But--but--"  
  
"GO!" Snape cried, a vein showing through prominently on his forehead. Covering a hand on his eyes, he breathed deeply and rapidly, almost hyperventilating, and his other hand sought support from a nearby desk. Zinfandel and Tzigane quickly helped their Professor Snape to his chair.  
  
"Thank--thank you," Snape whispered grudgingly. He expected this to happen...but not when he thought that he was doing /so/ damn fine. He thought his big efforts (little in the eyes of others but this IS Snape we're talking about) were going to make a difference.  
  
But seeing what the Gryffindors think of him, all of them didn't really matter.  
  
What is this? Snape thought as he wheezed and coughed. Why should I, damn it, care for what they bloody hell think of me? Damn them, damn these students, damn Dumbledore for making my career hang by a bloody thread!  
  
He brushed the doting pair away and held his composure, despite the fact that it was lost by the time his chalk broke earlier. He waved the students into their seats.  
  
"What am I supposed to do with YOU?!" Snape snarled. "Ever since the start of this week one bad incident has to happen in my class EVERY DAY!"  
  
The students tensed up. They knew that students named either Potter or Longbottom can be handy at times like this as a shock absorber (read: someone who takes in ALL the blame even if not theirs), but the thing is, neither belonged in this class. Any one of this class will have his/her head snapped off.  
  
Snape remained silent for a while, counting from one to ten, still not willing to undo what he had so carefully built over the past two days.  
  
"Miss Highwind," Snape said afterwards. His dueling student's apprentice snapped up.  
  
"I appreciate standing up for me in my class, and you have definitely shown to the whole class that you are an excellent duelist," he said in clear tones. "Fifty points for Slytherin."  
  
Zinfandel smiled, face tinged with pink. The Slytherin tables went noisy with hoots and cheers, against Gryffindor's boos.  
  
"But," Snape interjected in a cold voice amidst the Slytherin cheers. "We have to consider the /nature/ of intentions here. One hundred and fifty points FROM Slytherin." Snape said in a faint voice, his eyes betraying his true feelings about the whole matter."The Emeritica Finale is a fatal move when applied with strong emotions, if you remember, Highwind," Snape said in what was more than a resigned sigh. "If I hadn't stopped you, Fred Weasley would have stopped breathing for a few more seconds."  
  
The Slytherins stopped cheering after what Snape had said sunk into their heads. The Gryffindors stopped complaining and whining as well, stunned when they realized Snape had, for what seemed the first time, deducted points from Slytherin. And one hundred at that.  
  
'Snape had indeed gone mad' became the universal thought of the whole class.  
  
Zinfandel only nodded, though scowling.  
  
"As for what Fred Weasley so impertinently did to me," Snape droned, his voice taking on a tired monotone. "Fifty points TO Gryffindor."  
  
The Gryffindor tables promptly gaped at him.  
  
"WHOA--" exclaimed Lee Jordan. "I must be dreaming, pinch me," he said to his seatmate.  
  
"What he said was true." Snape said, grating. "I--what I did to Professor Lupin was wrong. No less than Professor Lupin's dastardly boggart!"  
  
If it were a different situation, it would have been funny to hear Professor Snape mention 'boggart'.  
  
"But he had insulted a classmate," he continued. "Five points off Gryffindor."  
  
Zinfandel grinned at that.  
  
Snape closed his eyes briefly and massaged his temples. "Considering that we have so badly deviated from the supposed topic of discussion," he said, gesturing towards what he had written on the board, "I'm cancelling class today. Class dismissed. Sod off, all of you. Leave me alone, give me time alone, you twits!" he snarled.  
  
After all the students had gone, and after Zinfandel had profusely said her apologies, Snape sat alone in his cold dungeon classroom, slumped on the desk.  
  
He had a plan already conceived to go about the fifth evaluation criteria. He was supposed to hold a competition between the Gryffindors and the Slytherins...but the day had, again, evidently screwed up.  
  
Snape moaned, face against the cold hardwood of the front desk. I may bloody well kiss this table, he thought bitterly. I may not be here for the next school year.  
  
He was about to doze off when someone tapped his shoulder.  
  
"Leave me alone," Snape snapped.  
  
"You dropped this, Severus."  
  
Snape abruptly sat up. It was Remus Lupin, grinning as if nothing had happened between them last night. He was holding Snape's small list of his partly crossed-out evaluation criterias.  
  
He snatched it from the werewolf's hands. "Thank you," he grumbled. He took a look on the list, to remind himself of how many criterias he had missed out on, and he was surprised to see that the fifth had been crossed out by another hand:  
  
  
  
5) The professor shows impartiality and fairness among all his/her students.  
  
  
He squinted at the parchment, then looked up at Lupin. "Why?" he croaked, weakly.  
  
"Have you realized what you've just done? I was watching, Severus. I was about to give this to you when I witnessed your little point distribution earlier. Thought I'd witness this miracle," Lupin grinned. "So THAT'S the reason why you did that to me. The boggart. I should have known," Remus said shrewdly. "I shouldn't have anticipated the best actions from you, Severus. But it's ok."  
  
Snape only looked at him. He had expected a punch or some other form of retaliation aside from the arse-biting of last night.  
  
"Don't worry, Severus. The chance to bite your ass was glorious retribution already," Lupin ruffled Snape's hair, only to find that it was /indeed/ greasy. "Ugh, Severus. What do /you/ put in your hair?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
------  
  
  
FOOTNOTES: 'Master Snape': to know why Zinfandel and Tzigane addressed the Potions Master that way, refer to my other fic titled 'Name-calling'. Don't forget to R/R that one! Thankies!  
  
'Emeritica Finale': I'm planning to write a fic about Severus Snape and his new dueling representative for the Slytherins, Zinfandel Highwind. Yeah, it's a Mary Sue, but I promise to make up for it with a good story. The Emeritica Finale is supposed to be the strongest dueling spell she had mastered with the help of Professors Snape and Vector, of Arithmancy. Anyway, can any of you care to tell me if Professor Vector is a male or a female? Your help is greatly appreciated!  
  
  
  
  
R/R please! This is my way of coping with my schoolwork, so don't be surprised if I seem to conk one story every day...I'm noticing that the humor fades more as I continue hapter by chapter.....NOOO!!! 


	5. The Professor Makes Him/Herself Availabl...

DISCLAIMER: All the characters are owned by J. K. Rowling. But is there any chance that she'll give me Severus Snape for my coming birthday?  
  
  
  
EVALUATION ch.5  
  
  
  
Professor Severus Snape lay in his bed. His quarters was in a bit of disarray, with the events of the past three days distracting him from even fixing his room. His signature black cloak (he has several of them, mind) was haphazardly draped over his chair; shoes thrown off to the far side of the room (nearly missing the fireplace and from doom); and goodness knows what lurked under his /bed/. Socks? No. Books? No. Quills? No. Honeydukes? Cockroach clusters? Sneako-scope? Parchment? No, no, no, no.  
  
What lived under his bed were dozens of bottles of muggle Grease-All. And an extra jar of a soothing ointment his Slytherin prefect and dueling apprentice prepared him. Well, you never know when the pain will bite all over again, Severus thought, wincing as his mind registered the word /bite/.  
  
He was glad though, that Remus J. Lupin decided to set aside what had happened, because he was formulating a plan that will let him go off the sixth evaluation criteria:  
  
  
6) The professor makes himself available in consultation hours.  
  
  
Against the sixth evaluation criteria; Professor Severus Snape felt that he was facing a great problem indeed, beacuse it means, frankly, that he was supposed to make himself available for students who wish to have an inquiry about their standing in his class, and how to improve their grades at that.  
  
Everyone who had Severus Snape fpr a professor may bloody well predict what he will /advise/ them if ever they ask how they can improve their grades in his class:  
  
a) Detention,  
b) nothing, or  
c) 'Sod off and don't ever bother me again'.  
  
Snape himself knew that that was they wy his students thought of him. In fact, he even reinforced it. That way, they  
  
a) stay behaved,  
b) study in his subject harder, and  
c) they won't bloody dare ask why he was sorely lacking in the affairs of the heart (the answer is damn well obvious anyway).  
  
Now the problem is, Snape hazily thought as he turned on his white linen sheets, how to get them to be willing to have a consultation session with him.  
  
***  
  
"Lupin," Severus called out as he saw Remus Lupin walk past down the corridors, presumably to the Defense Against the Dark Arts wing.  
  
Without hesitation Lupin abandoned his path and went over to Snape, who was casually leaning against a large window in the corridor, looking for all the world like the Dark Lord, menacing and overbearing. Lupin, however, was already used to his ways ever since their schooldays.   
  
He lugged along his grindylow tank. "Mm. What is it?" Lupin asked, poker-faced. Expect the unexpected if ever the anti-social professor calls your attention.  
  
Everyone knew that, of course.  
  
"Can I talk to you for a moment? I believe your students won't miss you if you're late for only ten minutes."  
  
***  
  
"Er, no. No, Severus, I refuse! That's cheating!" Lupin exclaimed.  
  
"I never asked you for a favor. And you owe me a lot for the wolfsbane, Lupin." Severus said coolly. "You /will/ do it."  
  
Lupin shook his head vehemently. "Oh no, no, no, Severus. That's cheating, and if I concede to that, I'll demand that the results will be transferred to /my/ performance evaluation!"  
  
Snape tapped his fingers on a nearby desk, a sign that he was growing impatient.  
  
He tapped.  
  
And tapped.  
  
Tapped some more...  
  
/Tap/  
  
/Tap/  
  
/Tap/  
  
"Okay, okay, okay already!" Lupin wailed, hands over his ears. "Just for a day's session, alright?"   
  
Snape smiled contentedly. Ah, it /is/ indeed easy getting my way with Lupin, he thought. Always the friendly one.  
  
"Good. Come down to the dungeons early on the morrow." Snape drawled. "And bring extra clothes."  
  
***  
  
Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley, and Hermione Granger stared at the announcement posted to the large door that led to the Potions classroom.  
  
It read like this:  
  
  
Due to some adjustments with the school policy, I am obliged to offer you, my students, consultation sessions regarding your academic problems in my class. Anyone with doubt with their standing in my classes or otherwise are very much welcome in visiting my office to inquire about their grades and also to solicit my advice in how to improve their class standing. Consultation hours are to take place the whole day tomorrow starting from 9:00 am to 7:00 pm. Please schedule your desired time to visit my office on the parchment posted below.  
  
Professor Severus Snape  
Potions Department  
  
  
"Er..." Ron looked at Hermione and Snape. "I reckon nobody will visit Snape /alone/ in his office and risk getting...well..." he frowned. "Just /what/ is happening with Snape?"  
  
"I bloody well don't know," Harry said, eyes still on the odd announcement. "But I have a bad feeling about this..."   
  
"Oh, you always do Harry," Hermione interjected, hands on her hips. "/I'm/ going to schedule my time for tomorrow. At least I know," she said as she groped her pockets for her quill. "And for a change, it would be nice to talk to Snape alone and try to find out what's bugging him."  
  
Ron's face lit up. "Hey, not a bad idea, Hermione!"  
  
Hermione's eyebrow lifted. "I thought that was a bit obvious already," she sniffed. She had just finished signing her name and desired time on the parchment.  
  
Harry reluctantly drew out his quill as well. "Ah, I'll go too. I guess there's nothing to lose but, well, getting shouted at by Snape I guess."  
  
His two friends laughed nervously. "Add to that detention," Ron added. "But I'm used to it I guess."  
  
Harry playfully punched Ron on the side. "Chuck it, you."   
  
"While we're at it, Harry," Hermione said abruptly, "why not tell Sirius about this?"  
  
***  
  
The next morning, Remus Lupin was not surprised to see Snape waiting for him with a goblet of glutinous potion in his hand.  
  
He greeted his colleague a pleasant morning and laid his extra set of clothes on a nearby chair. "You /really/ are set on doing this?" he asked, a last-ditch effort on wishing that Snape had come to his senses and changed his mind.  
  
Futile though.  
  
"Here, drink this," Snape handed out to him the Polyjuice Potion. "You figure out what to tell those dunderheads. It's not in my blood to provide endearing words that they /so/ love, Lupin," Snape sneered as he watched the hapless co-teacher accept the potion and drink it.   
  
Lupin almost gagged with the taste. "Ugh. When can I stop drinking your horrendous potions?"  
  
"The day you resign from Hogwarts the second time around, Lupin."  
  
Lupin snorted. "Not bloody likely."   
  
"And until then, you will serve me."   
  
"Pardon?"  
  
  
***  
  
The consultation sessions went off without a hitch. Well, almost. Lupin as Snape did his very best to practically /destroy/ his colleague's reputation. He gave praises, loads of Honeydukes chocolates, he gave Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff houses one hundred points each, while he deducted another hundred points from Slytherin ('For trying to bribe me,' reasoned Lupin), and furthermore, gave Neville Longbottom an encouraging hug. The poor boy promptly fainted.  
  
Of course, Severus never knew about it until later. One might think that he had already anticipated Lupin in his skin's actions, but given Snape's tendency to be quite arrogant enough to believe that Lupin will actually bend to his will...well...   
  
Professor Severus Snape would just have to learn the hard way, of course. After all, he is still /only/ human.  
  
***  
  
"LUPIN! DAMN YOU!"  
  
Severus stormed into the staffroom, practically bursting with rage. Professors Flitwick and Sprout cringed at the sound of the heavy oak wood door being banged closed.   
  
Snape eventually spotted Lupin by his desk, munching a Honeydukes chocolate bar. He was grinning as usual.  
  
"Why, what happened to our 'good-natured' Professor Severus Snape of yesterday?" asked Lupin coyly. "I cannot believe the Severus who is standing right now in front of me is the same one who handled the consultation yesterday."  
  
Snape seethed in anger, but still had enough grasp on his wits not to go off jabbing about 'what went really wrong' in his ploy the day before. "Lupin...care to see me in my office?" he snarled.  
  
Lupin mocked a quite believable expression of regret. "Oh, I'm so sorry, but...I believe I have my own consultations to handle. In fact, I think they're all lining up in front of my office now," he said, pointing to a nearby clock.   
  
Without another word, Lupin wordlessly marched off to his office, leaving Severus struggling with his bottled-up anger about to burst out.  
  
Damn, bloody, bloody, bloody hell...Severus started to walk blindly towards his desk when he felt a hand pat his shoulder. Snape whirled around, about to lunge on who dared touch him. It was Dumbledore, who had a little chat with Professor Minerva McGonagall.  
  
Snape immediately straightened up. "Headmaster."  
  
"You are doing quite well with the students," Dumbledore said, eyes twinkling. "I heard Longbottom's accounts how you gave him comfort, even getting out of your way to hug him."  
  
Professor Severus Snape, as proud and cruel as he /usually/ was, felt like dying inside.  
  
***  
  
"There he is," Harry whispered at Ron and Hermione, the three of them all huddled under Harry's invisible cloak. They were inspecting Snape's private quarters adjacent to the dungeons, hoping to get a clue on what really went on regarding their Potions Master.  
  
They were taking a peek inside Snape's cupboards when they noticed a goblet perched on the center table. Hermione alerted the two boys and the three neared the table to take a look.  
  
"Oh my," Hermione gasped, "there's no mistaking it. This is Polyjuice Potion!"  
  
"What?!" Harry cried. Then he noticed strands of black hair scattered on the table's surface surrounding the goblet. Harry inspected it. "Oh no...this is Snape's hair, surely..."  
  
Ron snorted. "Notice how greasy it is,"  
  
"Do you know what this means?" Hermione asked faintly, but didn't wait for the others to answer. "The Professor Snape we've been seeing this week is a fraud, Harry. An impostor."  
  
"We better tell Sirius, Harry, before the impostor gets you!"  
  
***  
  
The evening Snape decided to cross out the sixth criteria:  
  
  
6) The professor makes himself available in consultation hours  
  
  
despite the fact that it had done him great embarrassment. He loathed to think what his students think of him, and he found out that he actually, for once, feared meeting them on Monday next week.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
-----  
  
A/N There! I hope that made up for the noticeable lack of humor on the last chapter. Our dear Severus Snape doesn't have a clue what's in store for him the next chapter...come to think of it, neither do you! ^_^ I'm greatly enjoying this, now.  
  
  
Actually, I was planning on making Snape himself conduct the consultation and show how awkward it could be, until I thought that it would be so incredibly OoC, but, I'll try to build him up eventually to make him do so. This story will end in the next two chapters, though, in the seventh evaluation criteria and the Epilogue. If i receive enough requests to write the Snape Consultations, rest assured that I will do so.  
  
Thank you for those who reviewed! You guys were the ones who kept me going, really!  
  
R/R please. Thankies! 


	6. The Professor Provides An Atmosphere Ind...

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of them, as usual. But, um...J.K? Can I have Padfoot and Snape for my birthday?  
  
  
  
  
EVALUATION ch.6  
  
  
Monday. The day Professor Severus Snape, for the first time, dreaded. He   
blinked his eyes and wished internally that he had a Time-turner handy, and   
put it into stasis.  
  
One more, he thought. One more... He picked up the list of evaluation   
criteria again, and took small comfort at the fact that there was only one   
more bullet in the list to cross out:  
  
  
7) The professor provides an atmosphere inducive to learning.  
  
  
He had given that much thought over the weekend, and he had already made   
preparations for that. Considering that the dungeons were too cold and   
cramped to study...he knew that of course, his being a student once himself,   
but he had kept the dungeons as his classroom because of two reasons: one is   
that it invokes the feeling of dread over his students and the second, it   
matches with his attire.  
  
Well, no. Scratch the last one. The second reason is that it matches with his title as the 'Potions Master'. Dark, cold...  
  
Kick-ass too.  
  
Grunting, Severus got up out of bed and yawned his way into the washroom. In   
the mirror he noticed how much the past week's ordeal had taken it's toll.   
He seemed to look worse and worse by the day. Running the tap water in his   
bath, he leaned his head against the doorframe as he waited for the small   
tub to fill, and snoozed a bit while standing.   
  
He wished the day will disappear if he just believed that it will vanish like a dream by the time he wakes up.  
  
He's not lucky, though. Fate had had enough of his cruelty, and Fate had   
decided now to be cruel on /him/.  
  
***  
  
"Class," Professor Snape said, his mellifluous voice reverberating over the   
classroom (good acoustics coupled with his theatre-quality voice). "Today we   
are going over to the fringes of Forbidden Forest--"  
  
He noticed the tabula rasa looks his sixth-years gave him. It may be that they were fearing another attack in the Forest, or they were still wondering why the sudden change of his curriculum.  
  
Or worse yet, they may still be having aftereffects of the monstrosities Lupin performed last week.   
  
"--and I assure all of you that no accidents whatsoever will happen like the last time. I have enlisted the help of Hagrid to avoid encounters with unwanted creatures during our session..." Snape said, wrapping his cloak, feeling awfully cold all of the sudden.  
  
Why, he /actually/ feared that something amiss will happen again. Severus Snape had, inadvertently, developed a slight phobia. Quickly he tried to dismiss the thought.  
  
Before he actually could though, he noticed the looks the Gryffindor Three gave him. Snape stared them /down/ as best as he could and said nothing, because he knew that whatever they say about him will be seconded by the whole class.   
  
He merely raised an eyebrow at Harry in disdain. "I will not forget the remark you gave me that day in the Forbidden Forest, Potter," he said, voice silken and menacing. "However, I will not take points away from you for that, nor give you detention. I have something /better/ in store for you today in the Forbidden Forest."  
  
Harry Potter tried to level his stare and curled his fists. Snape noticed the defiance but deemed it better not to comment.  
  
Snape started to gather his things. "I have borrowed your time in Divination for this day; we will spend our time there gathering and labelling ingredients until five in the afternoon. However, since the activity is of a mildly strenuous nature," he looked at the grandfather clock in the corner. "You have an hour to yourselves before we start. Meet me at exactly 1:00 this afternoon."  
  
As the students left, Snape grinned a small smile to himself as he reminded himself that this was the last criteria to be dealt upon.   
  
Loathe as he was to admit it, a part of him was secretly grateful for what had Lupin did in the guise of himself; it may be the jolt the students needed to finally evaluate in his favor...he won't be acting like this all year; evaluation week will eventually pass.  
  
He did not know that Harry saw him smile to himself and that he was having his own interpretation of the smile.  
  
***  
  
Harry, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger immediately went to the Shrieking Shack and found Padfoot lying on a chewed-up sofa. Upon seeing them, the dogs ears perked up and immediately turned into a rakish raven-haired man in black Muggle clothing.  
  
"Harry," Sirius Black acknowledged as he sat up. His expression suddenly turned grave. "Are you all right, are you--"  
  
Harry immediately raised his hands to stop Sirius' tirade of fatherly questions. "Yeah, we are," he said, gesturing at Ron and Hermione. "So far, he hasn't made a move yet. Not since the day with the Skrewts, though," Harry reported. "But I don't know if the Snape-impostor was the one who indeed done it. I have my own conclusions."  
  
Sirius cocked his head to one side, listening thoughtfully. "Go on,"  
  
Harry cleared his throat. "Well, the time when the Skrewt attacked us, Snape made me lead the class outside the Forest and into Hogwarts while he was left dealing with the creature..."  
  
Sirius raised an eyebrow. "What's odd about it? Evil that slimy git maybe, he's still acting like a professor..."  
  
This time Hermione spoke up, growing impatient with standing there just listening. "I think that that was the time the real Professor Snape was abducted. I mean, next thing he did in our class was exposing Lupin's werewolf change and a 'demonstration', but Snape had been civil to us earlier...even gave us points for Harry's defeating the bog creature the first day last week--"  
  
"Wait," Ron interjected. "Don't you guys remember that he stopped by Neville and whispered something to him before he started the class?"  
  
"What are you trying to get at, Ron?" Sirius asked, trying to piece together the information they were feeding him.  
  
"I say that he /put/ something in Neville's cauldron as he talked to him; didn't you notice that he didn't do anything to hex that creature?" Ron said excitedly, feeling proud at the 'detective stuff' that he was doing.  
  
"Ron, his wand-arm was bumped by Pansy Parkinson!" Hermione huffed. "He was trying to get to it, you know! He was a bit kind to us after that happened even gave us points. And I think the REAL Snape would not wish harm upon Harry; he did save his life while we were still in our first year."  
  
"Hermione, repeat what you just said," Harry said, calmly.  
  
"Eh?"  
  
"Repeat it."  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Oh, fine. I said that Snape was kind to us after that happened and that...oh..." she put her hand to her lips.  
  
"Snape's never been kind to us..." she said feebly.  
  
"And that the REAL Snape doesn't want anything to harm Harry. Why do you think he just stood there?"  
  
"..."  
  
Sirius just watched the three's exchange, curious as to what the discussion was leading to. "And about the Polyjuice Potion you mentioned in the last letter...?" he prodded.  
  
"We found it in the dungeons," Harry said. "Bits of Snape's hair were there, too."  
  
Sirius smiled ruefully. "I bet they were greasy."  
  
"They are!" The Gryffindor three exclaimed together.  
  
  
***  
  
Snape met the class just outside the gates. "Okay. Follow me," he said to the students as he walked towards the Forbidden Forest. The students were a bit apprehsive, and Snape noticed. But it was not in him to try and allay their fears; that was Lupin's way.  
  
"Where in the Forbidden Forest are we heading to, Professor?" Harry asked casually as he tried to catch up with Snape's lengthy strides.   
  
"Somewhere inducive to learning," Snape answered vaguely, then realized that it was Harry Potter he was speaking to (he was quite preoccupied with his thoughts), and cleared his throat. "Why, Potter is concerned with my lesson plan," he commented, voice dripping with sarcasm. "I'm so surprised. Perhaps he is suspecting something of me."  
  
Harry only grinned. Snape thought he felt his hair stand on end. "What?" he said irritably, hoping to hide his anxiety.  
  
"Um...nothing, Professor Snape. Nothing at all."  
  
Eventually they reached the clearing, a treeless field full of multi-colored flowers and some even changing their colors depending on what angle they faced the light. There was also a small waterfall situated on a nearby mountain.  
  
Having settled down, Snape showed them samples of the plants they were supposed to pull out. Hours later the class were engrossed in what they were doing, even finding themselves enjoying everytime they spotted 'wildlife' (weird insects and gnomes, etc.), even Lavender and Parvati, who were approached by young unicorns whose strands of hair they gently plucked.  
  
Snape felt a slightly odd feeling of being somehow satisfied that for once, his students were /enjoying/ themselves in his subject. He smiled to himself.  
  
Then he noticed that Harry and his two sidekicks were eyeing him suspiciously. Snape bristled; and gave them a venomous glare.   
  
Undoubtedly, they do /think/ something of me, Snape noticed. Then, he remembered that he told Harry that he was going to make him do something for this day.  
  
Never breaking the acerbic look, he beckoned Harry to come to him. "I asked only for Potter, can't you three walk separately?" he snapped as he saw Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger follow him.  
  
"They share the same intestines, perhaps?" Draco Malfoy sneered from afar.  
  
"Perhaps," Snape drawled. "it would be better to severe the said intestines early on, before they become too entangled." He grabbed Harry by the arm. "Come,"  
  
Snape led Harry towards the mountain, until they reached the back of the waterfall. Harry was surprising quiet, and Snape saw that his right hand was cautiously poised beside a pocket, probably to draw his wand quickly anytime.  
  
I don't blame him, Snape thought. I'd probably do the same if I were on his place.  
  
Inside the cave, the little light that glinted from the mouth of the cave were reflected on vast quantities of crystal that the cave had for stalactites and stalagmites. The multiple prisms of color caught Harry's fascination and he reached out a hand to touch one; the crystal sang a note as Harry's hand made contact with it.  
  
Snape looked on as the boy looked around the place with wonder. He let the excitement ebb away from Harry before he said his instructions.  
  
"Potter," Snape interrupted coldly, "if you are done with sight-seeing, perhaps we may get down to business?"  
  
And then Harry sobered. "Why did you bring me here?" he asked.  
  
Snape drew out a knife. "Here," he said, the myriad lights playing upon the blade and accentuating his face. "You--NOOO!"  
  
Snape was knocked down, head bleeding but not fatal.  
  
Sirius and Mad-Eye Moody bore down over the prone figure of Professor Snape. "Glad to be on time, laddie," Moody said as he checked Snape's pulse.  
  
"Did he hurt you, Harry?" Sirius exclaimed as he took the knife that was in Snape's hand. "What the--" he breathed. "He does want to kill you, Harry. This knife can cut through crystals!"  
  
***  
  
Snape awoke on an uncomfortable chair, his hands and feet immobile. His eyes blinked against the light that was somehow aimed at his face.  
  
"Wha-what?" he mumbled, disoriented. He seemed to be in a closed-off place where the lamplight was the only source of illumination.  
  
When he was fully awoke, he realized that his arms and legs were bound to the chair, and that he was in some sort of an interrogation room. There, standing beyond the shadows, were Sirius Black and Mad-Eye Moody.  
  
"Awake, eh?" Moody said as he reached out and tipped Snape's chin. "You better answer, man, because I maybe required to do the Cruciatus Curse on you."  
  
Snape stiffened and moved his head out of Moody's grasp. What happened? What... "What os the meaning of this!?" cried Snape. "Where are my students?!"  
  
Sirius sneered, an almost-exact replica of Severus Snape with his black clothing and attitude. "Tied up, and still acting like Professor Snape." he mocked, then his tone went grave. "Cough up."  
  
"What?!" Snape cried out, "I don't know what you are talking about, Moody!"   
  
"Still playing dumb, eh, impostor?" Sirius Black said menacingly, drawing out his wand. "I've been waiting for a chance to do this to Snape...and now, since you're his spitting image..." Sirius raised his wand. "Crucio!"  
  
Snape howled with pain, the burning hell of severing knives and searing pain threatening to snap his consciousness, the piercing pain that went through his body painfully remindling him of his days as a Death Eater...  
  
"AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHH!!!" Snape cried out, his mind threatening to give way, and then it stopped. His breath became shallow and rapid, sweat were trickling from his forehead, face pale. "Why?" he croaked.   
  
"For someone who is trying to imitate Professor Severus Snape," Sirius said as he pocketed his wand, "you are doing poorly. Snape would have endured--"  
  
"I am still a /human/, you idiot!" Snape shouted vehemently. "Why do you keep saying that I am NOT MYSELF!?"  
  
Moody glanced at a nearby clock. "It will be awhile before the Polyjuice will wear off, if he drunk it before he met the class," growled Moody. "Which he probably did," he added.  
  
Polyjuice Potion? "You paranoid TWIT! What makes you think I'm an impostor?" Snape cried as he tried to piece together what was happening in his mind. The two were accusing him as impostor...but why?  
  
"Can you stp your whining?" Sirius lazily said. "You can't deny anything now. Harry found a goblet half-filled with Polyjuice Potion with some of Severus Snape's hair. Well, what do you have to say against that?"  
  
The whole scenario finally clicked in Severus' head. He cursed Harry to hell. They probably found the unwashed goblet when he was still away...  
  
"Remus Lupin used the Potion," Snape said, trying to calm himself down. "He took my place--"  
  
Sirius cut him off. "What? Remus take your bloody place? What a story!" he chuckled derisively. "If you ARE really Severus Snape then you would have come up with a better excuse!"  
  
"BECAUSE THAT'S THE TRUTH! WHY DON'T YOU DUNDERHEADS USE THE BLOODY VERITASERUM!" Snape bellowed. This was too much. There he was, tied to submission, with two dense idiots who kept on insisting that he was an impostor, and acting stupid compared to /himself/ at that.  
  
"Hm. Veritaserum. Why not?" Sirius pondered.  
  
"No," said Moody.  
  
Snape's face took on a exasperated, desperate expression "AND WHY NOT, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!?"  
  
"Because you may have contaminated it so it would be rendered useless," explained Moody contentedly. "You do have full access to the Potions storerooms as Professor Severus Snape, after all."  
  
Snape moaned in mental agony.  
  
Suddenly there was a knock. Sirius went to the door and peeked through the peephole, then slowly opened the door. The Gryffindor Three went in.  
  
"I heard that you were in need of Veritaserum," Hermione said as she took out a stoppered vial from the inside of her robes. "Here, take this."  
  
Moody took it and inspected the tiny vessel. "Where'd you get this, lass?"  
  
Hermione flushed with embarassment. Deciding that lying is not the best option when talking to Mad-Eye Moody, she confessed, "Um, I stole it from Professor Snape's office a year ago."  
  
"WHAT?!" Snape cried out in pure fury. He was right. They DID raid his office!  
  
Sirius grinned. "Oh, he's furious because we have a /real/ veritaserum in hand," he taunted. "Come on, Moody. Take it away."  
  
"Gladly." Moody forcefully opened Snape's jaw and promptly poured /ALL/ of the contents in his mouth. Severus promptly gagged.  
  
"Okay, answer me. What are you doing here?" Sirius asked.  
  
"I. Told. You. I am just teaching here at Hogwarts. I'M PROFESSOR SEVERUS SNAPE!" Snape answered, seething.  
  
"Are you sure this is untainted?" Sirius asked Hermione, referring to the Veritaserum.  
  
"Are you not going to finish this stupid interrogation so that I can leave in peace?" cried Snape.   
  
"Okay. Tell us about the Polyjuice Potion Harry found earlier in your office," Moody asked.  
  
"I prepared that so Remus Lupin would take my place in the consultation sessions," Snape explained, tone acerbic. "It was because of that bloody performance evaluation Dumbledore implemented first thing last week. I was desperate to save my job! I know that my students don't like me one bit!"  
  
"Glad to know that you cought on," Ron said spitefully.  
  
Snape didn't take notice. "I did everything that I could to fulfill the criteria the evaluations sheets will ask of the students at the end of the school-year. And now that I have been trying, I'm finding every effort screwing up!"  
  
"Oh. It seems that we have the REAL Snape here." Sirius said, turning to Harry, Ron and Hermione who looked shocked and stricken. "False alarm."  
  
"FALSE ALARM!? IS THAT ALL THAT YOU STUPID FOOLS GOING TO SAY TO ME!?"  
  
The Gryffindor Three paled. They have  
  
a) falsely accused a professor, and Professor Bloody Snape at that,  
b) been found out that they had stolen the veritaserum, and  
c) found out that they indeed sneaked into Snape's private quarters.  
  
They were in big trouble.  
  
"C-can we go now, Sirius?" Hermione squeaked. "Uh..."  
  
"No," said Sirius sternly.  
  
The three looked down in guilt.  
  
"Not until I have my fun," he continued gleefully. "Why not ask Snape questions as he is under the influence of the veritaserum?  
  
It was Snape's turn to pale.  
  
"Who was your crush while we were still studying?"  
  
Snape's eyes widened. "Oh no--Lily. Lily Potter," he croaked.  
  
Harry gaped. "What the--!?" he exclaimed. Snape, having a crush on his mother?!  
  
Hermione blushed to her roots. "Sirius...what?" What Sirius was doing was pure scandal, she thought, a hand on her mouth.  
  
Snape's countenance took a deep red, and he looked like he was about to howl in insanity. Harry, Ron and Hermione were near rolling on the floor in laughter. Moody only crossed his arms and rolled his eyes in contempt.  
  
"Hm...Severus. How many times do you take a bath?"  
  
"Everyday!" Snape cried, petrified with embarassment.  
  
"Then why is your hair so greasy?" piped up Ron, who had nearly recovered himself.  
  
"Because I put on Grease-all! It's one of Muggle toileties, you dolt!"  
  
Sirius laughed in pure mirth. "Hm...okay, Severus, if you were to be asked as who among us Marauders you would kiss, who would it be?"  
  
Snape bit his lip, an attempt to stop himself from answering, but the Veritaserum was not one to mbe challenged. "You."  
  
Sirius howled in laughter, tears in his eyes. "Oh, oh my.." he gasped between breaths. "Me! Why does it have to be me?!" He tried to stop laughing, but was futile. "I'm sorry, Severus, but my preference is on the female gender...oh..." he wiped his tears with his sleeve.  
  
"IS THIS WHAT I GET FOR TRYING TO BE BLOODY NICE?!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
_____  
  
A/N Well? Sorry for being late, but I have some things to take care of... I'm going to write an epilogue, but I'm not sure if it's going to be out tomorrow...well...don't worry, it's going to be soon!  
  
Thanks fpr the people who R/R my work! Please review this as well... Thanks to you guys!  
  
^_^ 


	7. The Professor takes too much seriously--...

A/N I Took out the epilogue, it sounded too OOC, and would not end the way it should, so I modified the Epilogue into this to have a totally differen_t chapter _ending….of course, this would not be the last chapter.

Sorry this took so long (since last year!) I had some personal problems to settle, but what the heck. Enjoy the show!

****

Evaluation 

Chapter Seven

By Astral Fou-lu

__

Disclaimer: I do still WANT to own Severus Snape. Can somebody buy his rights and manufacture a plushie of him!? GWAAAAH! Put in Professor Remus Lupin too!

Severus winced at the memory of himself telling that Black was desirable enough to be _kissed_. He felt disgusted enough to feel his face contort as if he smelled a rotting corpse left alone for two months.

For the rest of the school year Severus Snape never did again make any attempts on fulfilling the evaluation criterias; not when he realized that it was going to be so much trouble.

And whether Dumbledore decided to base his judgement pertaining to his status as a professor on the student's evaluation or not, it was out of his hands. Snape may very well pass off to be an Auror, but that was not going to happen easily; he was a double agent himself, and nobody but Dumbledore was certain on whose side he was.

Oh yes, he returned to his usual methods; slicing points off by chunks, and for once even Slytherin wasn't spared. He had somehow realized that if he was going to be unpopular in three houses, one house isn't going to make any difference. 

Severus Snape was becoming more fatalistic towards his job by the minute, undoing the painstaking work he had done for a week for the rest of the period before the school year ended.

He had made Pansy Parkinson cry; she had expected him to side with her because Hermione all-too surreptitiously poured Parkinson's potion onto her lap; fortunately it had been a cold potion. Snape however had made /Parkinson/ clean up the mess instead of Hermione, obviously never bothering to find out who did the prank. Pansy tried to explain herself and Hermione's part, but Snape waved it off as a poor excuse of an excuse.

Neville Longbottom was not spared of the deluge of plague that poured forth from the Potions master. He was made to sweep the entire floor of the dungeons and when Snape found him missing a spot, he had promptly poured a cauldronful of muck for him to sweep off again. The cruel game lasted until breakfast, when Snape had been forced by McGonagall to release the poor boy who was already shaking with fatigue.

He confiscated Ron Weasley's wand for a whole day after he had accidentally knocked one of his empty potion flasks while the poor boy had so foolishly performed a poorly practiced Summoning Charm on one of the required ingredients. Ron hadn't got hold of his wand before Snape promptly broke it into two; promising Ron that he will restore it if he passed one of his tests PERFECTLY (impossible, really), or he could buy himself a new one. And the 'slimy git' knew that the Weasleys usually cannot afford new things.

He all-too-satisfyingly kicked a large black dog that came from Dumbledore's office while passing through the corridors. 

He was whistling after that.

And finally, but not the least of his wrath, he ungracefully punched Remus Lupin in the face when he found out that Lupin was betting with Hagrid if ever Severus would pass through the evaluation; Lupin had been betting on Snape losing.

The whole of the campus was faced with a Snape undiluted, 100 percent increased strength concentrate. 

Alas, they don't know what ingredient will water down his fury. And they will NEVER know.

* * *

The day of the evaluations have arrived. Severus Snape was explaining the properties of stardust when Remus Lupin, with a bandage on his cheek, went in and requested that Snape go out of the classroom for a while.

"And WHY, pray tell?" he snarled.

Because of the punch Severus gave him, Remus didn't even bother to grin. The Advanced Double Potions class felt the tenstion running through the two professors. Zinfandel and Tzigane were betting that they would engage in fisticuffs yet again, and Zinfandel won; they never did, she knew that the tension drew Severus' strings too tightly enough to make him tired and drawn out ("Awww," moaned Tzigane). The Potions master quietly walked out, giving Lupin a strong shove out of his way as he passed.

"Is this the reason why he's so out of himself lately?" Zinfandel murmured. 

"Teachers evaluations. But I don't buy the reason why the hell Snape goes out of lengths to actually change his stance towards the Gryffindors and us," Blaise Zabini, from Zinfandel's right, drawled. "It's pure crapola. By the way, you better talk about your apprenticeship in dueling with him. You mentioned that he's messed up your sched?"

"Ya," Tzigane piped in for Zinfandel. "Well, it all adds up. Neville being hugged by Snape?" Tzigane promptly shuddered, joined in by Blaise.

"He better shape up, or I lose in my match against Beauxbatons." 

Oblivious to the little conversation between the two Slytherins and a Gryffindor, Remus only grumbled but put on his smile as soon as he passed on the evaluation sheets. "Now now, kids," he said placatingly, "Don't you be too biased, hmm? Be fair. No erasures, now."

The students did not miss the strained, forced tone on Remus' behalf.

Remus Lupin thought with all his heart that even if the students were fair in evaluating Snape, one would accurately divine the results, and he need not expound on that.

* * *

Severus Snape had taken sleeping on the teacher's desk as a habit of his ever since the teacher's evaluation disaster started. His face plastered on the surface of the mahogany desk, one would think that his face had melded with the varnish, if it were not for the shallow breathing and snoring that indicated his state.

The door to the dungeon classroom suddenly creaked open, and Snape snapped to an upright position.

"What the-? Miss Highwind, what are you doing here?"

Zinfandel walked towards him slowly, her face pensive. "Professor, if you may, I suggest that you relax."

"And you came all the way down here just to say that?"

Zinfandel shook her head, her face betraying her irritated and anxious state. It so happened that Snape had missed many seesions with her that should have been spent teaching and polishing her dueling. Now she was thinking that either Professor Snape shape up, or she would transfer her apprenticeship from Snape to Lupin, an adept dueler as well. "Eh? You know what I mean!" Zinfandel said, her voice almost into a whining pitch. "You keep missing our sessions for what--? Five meetings already? And is it just because of the evaluations?"

Severus Snape raised his hands and sighed audibly, every inch of his stone cold, sharp wit having left him. "Not just any evaluation, Miss Highwind," he snapped, but his face betrayed his tired state. "My job--no, my life-is at stake here."

Zinfandel raised an eyebrow. "I don't believe it. The headmaster wouldn't..."

Snape shoved the memorandum informing him of the Evaluation into Zinfandel's arms. "Then you read it!" Snape barked at her, causing the black-haired girl to jump slightly. 

Eyebrows furrowing as she skimmed the parchment, she rolled it afterwards and gave it back to it's owner. 

"Well, you don't buy that, do you?"

Silence told her that Snape said, 'What do you mean?' 

"I mean," Zinfandel continued, words slowly drawn out of her as she thought over them, "that this is pure hokum. This is just evaluating your teaching methods, Professor Snape. I already had them in my years of my muggle education, and all of the teachers we were angry with and graded abysmally, were never actually kicked out of the school."

Snape hung on to every word, which gave her a clue leading her to ask an important question.

"Professor, this is your first time being evaluated?"

The answer was a simple "Yes."

Zinfandel smiled.

"That explains why you act like a newbie, then," Zinfandel chuckled. "I wish you didn't fall for that. It's the thing with memorandums, see. They are so formal, they sound as if they should be understood literally. Think of it this way, Professor, the serious tone in the memorandum is simply to jumpstart to people into moving in a certain direction."

"So you are saying that this Evaluation business is normal but not really detrimental to the careers of the faculty?" Snape asked, almost idiotic with almost-relief.

"Detrimental? You make it sound so negative (though with your case, I'm not surprised) Professor. It is just a guideline where you could improve yourself."

"I wish I could believe you, Miss Zinfandel, but I could just not miss the postcript of the memorandum. It says here that our payrolls will be affected."

"Well, it did not say what aspect of the payroll, Professor."

* * *

A new day, and a new beginning.

"Payback," Snape murmured, a pristine smile pasted onto his face which had too much share of frowns.

----


	8. Evaluation Results or, What Happened Aft...

A/N **If you went ahead and read this chapter, you should go back to the last, because I made _major_ changes in it, leading to this thread. **This will be the last chapter. Thank you for bearing with my major writer's block! Thank you to the very kind reviewers as well…and as I set this aside, I could fix and finish my other fic, 'The Diary". (insert evil laugh) . Fix because I don't like how it went at all…but minor changes at most.

Btw, I have to share something weird. Years ago I liked the raunchy song 'Closer' by Nine Inch Nails, but I vaguely remember the video. Now, I just saw the front man **Trent Reznor** of NiN, and guess what? The guys is a friggin' image of Snape, only more accurate in age! (36 or 37), Fuck, he _should_ be Snape! Go check out pictures of him if you don't know him, and you'll see what I mean.

****

Evaluation

Final Chapter

By Astral Fou-lu

The term ended as it _should_ be. What should be?

The image of Neville crying over his grades is what should be, in Snape's case. As is the other tiny facts of Hogwarts that all of the students who leave Severus Snape's classrooms should be either depressed or suicidal over their grades, that was fixed too.

"B-But, Professor! I thought you understood me!" Neville whimpered, clutching his report card. Snape swiveled around his chair to face him, as he was arranging potion bottles by the windowsill. Professor Snape seemed to ponder of what he should tell Neville; after all, Lupin in his image had undoubtedly said stupid things to the boy--denying or contradicting his earlier words would prove that he was _really_ incapacitated by that time. Or in more frank terms, _went nuts_. Severus did not like that notion for the wizards to think that he was a candidate for St. Mungo's…

Snape leveled his gaze towards Neville's. "Yes, Longbottom, I understood you very well," he intoned carefully as what any careful teacher should to a slow-learning student, "I understood that you need great improvement in regards to your grades. My earlier words to you obviously went unheeded."

To his chagrin he noted that his sixth-year incoming seventh-year student was trying hard not to cry, he hastily added (_Damn it,_ thought Snape) "But I trust that you will improve this final year, Longbottom."

Neville nodded mutely.

Snape groaned inwardly and said," Go to Professor Lupin's office. Tell him that I want you to have a chunk of chocolate; and I ran out of supplies."

"Sir?"

"You're dismissed. Now. Scram." Promptly Snape swiveled his chair around once more, towards his stoppered jars. Neville took it as a signal to go; except that when he did so, he felt oddly lighter.

__

Odd, Snape thought, passing a jar between his hands, stopping himself before it fell.

"Hello, Neville," the unmistakable voice of Lupin wafted over from the direction of the doorway. "You did very well in my exams, I'm proud of you,"

Snape snorted. _Patronizing bastard_. He resumed his jar-passing to make himself look occupied.

"…oh?" Remus said, slightly chuckling. "Of course, I have lots of them…but later, hm? At dinner. Goodbye, Neville." Remus closed the door behind him and took a few seconds break before saying anything to Snape.

"Doing last-minute changes, eh, Severus?" Remus said, putting on a faux-cheerful face. Of course, Severus only sensed it judging by the lilt in the werewolf's voice. "Well, it's doing wonders for Neville, but--"

"Neville is already approaching seventh-year, Lupin," Severus cut in, tone acerbic as always. "Don't patronize his sniveling ways in which he is so accustomed to."

"Your old ways didn't help either, Severus," Lupin retorted, but with a softer tone with a harder edge. Severus sensed the tension emanated from the werewolf.

"What did you come here for, anyway, Lupin?" 

"Nothing. I just want to apologize on Sirius' half, about what happened _that_ day." Remus murmured. "But I guess that that is beyond salvation, eh, Severus?"

"What, your dog-friend too busy rolling over for Dumbledore to say it personally? I'm not soliciting for any apologies, Lupin. It is simply not my way," Severus snarled, ungracefully banging down the jar that he was handling to the windowshelf and rattling the row of jars, "and to think that I trusted you to realized that. You lot are too arrogant to notice that, as always. Why, Lupin?" Snape sneered slightly. "Are you washing your hands off Sirius' actions?"

Remus looked flustered. "No--! I just--" 

Severus waved him off. "You just…what? I don't care, Lupin. I don't even care that Dumbledore seems to condone your friend's actions. Not that I care. As long as our relationship revolves around me giving you Wolfsbane, and you getting out of my way, I am content."

"So I take it that you accept the apologies."

"How impertinent you are."

__

Gryffindor License to Impertinence and Stupidity, thought Snape as he stared down Lupin who stood expectantly by his doorway.

* * *

Newly graduated Zinfandel Highwind neé Zinfandel Slytherin (a/n: she has her own story that I'll work on soon) laughed as she lifted the teaucp to her lips and politely declined the proffered lemon drop. "I told you that the muggle Evaluation scheme is brilliant, Headmaster," she smiled into her cup. Sitting across her is a very satisfied-looking Dumbledore.

"Well, child, the scheme worked, to say the least," Dumbledore said. "Your suggestion brought about miracles, even to our favorite purveyor of bleakness,"

They both laughed.

"Truly a Slytherin, you are, child. Salazar must be proud of you. We have found out that a crow could be turned white without the use of paint. He changed color in his will will."

"He did? He's a rather dark shade of gray, Headmaster."

"Do not worry. His time will come," Dumbledore replied cryptically. 

"Aren't you worried though, when his punishments go rather--far off?" Zinfandel asked, raising a brow as if challenging the ethereal old man.

"I trust Severus enough to know that everything he does is or the good of the students."

"But, Headmaster…" Zinfandel spluttered her tea, holding in her laughter, "does that include doing what he had in store for Sirius Black?"

* * *

The next term.

Severus had, as Zinfandel had predicted (or planned) received fair evaluation feedback, and his otherwise dismal performance did not in anyway affect his payroll ("You will be on probation in consumption of teacakes, though," said Dumbledore solemnly). Humming on his way to his next class, he finally arrived at his classroom where he caught Hermione, Parvati, Lavender, and some Slytherin girls cuddling a large plush toy dog.

Snape cleared his throat, promptly stopping all activity. Hermione blushed red as Weasley, and his Slytherin girls looked chagrined with being caught in such an 'untasteful' behavior.

Imagine their shock when he told them "Carry on," and went his merry way towards the teacher's table.

Somehow Ron Weasley said too loudly for comfort "What _is_ happening with Snape?"

"It is Black that is happening, Weasley."

"What?" Ron and Harry exclaimed. "What do you mean?" Harry repeated, confused.

Then it clicked.

"Hermione!" Ron shouted a little too loudly. "Don't press that friggin' stuffed toy's face to your chest, that's bloody Sirius!"

Several shrieks ensued. Hermione jerked the toy dog away from her chest (what could Sirius be thinking as his face was subjected to…? Oh well) and stared at in horror. Then, when she realized that she practically threw him several feet away, she ran towards muttering several expressions of apology.

When the cacophony subsided, he looked at Potter in the eye and relished the following words: "You do something that is detrimental to this class' studying, Potter (and that includes you, Weasley and Granger), and I will use this toy dog's filling as test tube stoppers."

The class had ended and Severus stared at his Evaluation feedback sheet. At the back of the parchment the following words were scribbled:

"_Punish on_."


End file.
